Noticing Feedback vs. Judging Feedback

I am reading a really neat book right now called, "I Love you Rituals." I just ordered it used off of Amazon based on a recommendation from my good friend Sarah and also someone from the retreat I was just at.

I bought it thinking that I was just going to get a bunch of ideas for new ways to show and tell my children I love them.

WOW - it is so much more than that!  It gets pretty deep into how the brain works and how different aspects of our parenting either encourages the production of dopamine or hinders that production.  That of course is another blog post for another day but it's fascinating.

What I just read reminded me of my friend Sarah's recent post on her blog about feedback.  Listen to this...

"...the 'best' brains are those that receive immediate and high-quality feedback.... In general the following guidelines about feedback will steer you in the most effective directions:
1. The more often a child receives feedback, the better.
2. The more specific the feedback, the better.
3. The more immediately the feedback is given, the better.
4.  The more you notice and less you judge, the better."


So a lot of that I know (but need to do better at practicing...especially the fourth one) but the way this next part was written was almost an "ah-ha! so that's how you DO it!"

"...you must notice your child. If a child is standing on one foot... our job as parents would be to say, 'look at you standing on one foot!' If a child jumps into the swimming pool we could say, 'You did it. You jumped into the swimming pool feet first, with your hands up like this.'"


I am SO guilty of the, "Good job sweetie," "You are the best tooth brusher in the world," etc. So I am going to work really hard on NOTICING and not JUDGING because, "Noticing helps children become aware of themselves. This awareness wires the brain for self-control." 


Wish me luck!

Magnetic Chore Charts

I grew up with chores.
I grew up with an allowance.
I grew up learning that I didn't get paid unless I did my work.

My parents, perhaps unknowingly, did an amazing job teaching me about money, how to earn it, how to save it and that it didn't just grow on trees. :)

Steve and I have talked and talked about different methods of incorporating chores and allowance into our family. We've done the whole debate of if kids should just get money each week to learn how to use it or if they should do chores and earn it.  We've talked about the difference between doing chores because you are part of a family and doing chores to earn money.  Thankfully we seem to be of like mind and have the same goals for our children.

We've tried different methods in the past but finally found something that, knock on wood, has been working now for about 6 weeks.  They sell many different versions of magnetic chore charts on Etsy but I enjoy a good project and set out to make my own.  Here is what they look like:

They are in frames so we can stand them up.  Each morning, the two big kids wake up and find their chore chart on the bathroom sink.  They do their chores, moving over a magnet each time they finish something.

When they are done upstairs, they come down and finish up.  After all are done they get a magnetic star that they place along the bottom.  They can earn an additional star for afternoon/evening chores and then if we are seeing super kindness or a great attitude that can earn a bonus one!!

They can collect 5, 10, 15 or 20 stars and turn them in for different rewards.  For example 5 stars will let you choose from the treasure chest or will have mommy or daddy clean something up for you.  10 stars will let you stay up 10 extra minutes with mommy and daddy for books or games.  15 stars will let you go on a date with mommy OR daddy.  20 stars, which Olivia saved for, is a date with mommy AND daddy while the other two kiddos are home with a babysitter. I came up with a few ideas and they of course shared some of their own as well.

It's been amazing. I love that they are taking responsibility for themselves.  I love that it's off my worry list.  I love that things are actually getting done and let's get real... it's super cute right?  :)

I can make new magnets when we need them - and I think as they grow I will do just that.  I've been thinking of a few to make sometime this winter - help shovel, bring in wood for the fireplace, etc.  I LOVE being a mommy and helping my children grow and learn about responsibility.  It warms my heart to see them doing things for themselves and the pride and confidence that comes with it.

Okay - off to do one of my chores... fold and put away laundry!

It's been a while...

It's been quite a while since I have blogged. I gave it up this summer when I didn't feel like I had time to breathe between swimming lessons, play dates, preparing meals and who knows what else I was doing.  I didn't feel like i could justify taking time to blog when I didn't feel like I was giving my children enough of "me."

So much has gone on in the past few months that I will never be able to catch up on it all but I've restructured how I am spending my time, what my actions are saying about my priorities in life, and what I value.  I've missed reflecting on my parenting journey and sharing the silly and mundane things that happen in our lives with the people I love.

So... I am going to give this a trial period ... see if I can fit it in and have this be a little something I do for myself that forces me to slow down and work on absorbing the moments that pass by so quickly when you have young ones under foot.  I have a few things in particular that I want to share so hopefully in the next week or two you'll see some pictures and read about our magnetic chore charts that have changed our days, a motherhood retreat that I hope will change our lives, and the cutest little Halloween Witch, Fairy and Cowboy there ever was!!