Noticing Feedback vs. Judging Feedback

I am reading a really neat book right now called, "I Love you Rituals." I just ordered it used off of Amazon based on a recommendation from my good friend Sarah and also someone from the retreat I was just at.

I bought it thinking that I was just going to get a bunch of ideas for new ways to show and tell my children I love them.

WOW - it is so much more than that!  It gets pretty deep into how the brain works and how different aspects of our parenting either encourages the production of dopamine or hinders that production.  That of course is another blog post for another day but it's fascinating.

What I just read reminded me of my friend Sarah's recent post on her blog about feedback.  Listen to this...

"...the 'best' brains are those that receive immediate and high-quality feedback.... In general the following guidelines about feedback will steer you in the most effective directions:
1. The more often a child receives feedback, the better.
2. The more specific the feedback, the better.
3. The more immediately the feedback is given, the better.
4.  The more you notice and less you judge, the better."


So a lot of that I know (but need to do better at practicing...especially the fourth one) but the way this next part was written was almost an "ah-ha! so that's how you DO it!"

"...you must notice your child. If a child is standing on one foot... our job as parents would be to say, 'look at you standing on one foot!' If a child jumps into the swimming pool we could say, 'You did it. You jumped into the swimming pool feet first, with your hands up like this.'"


I am SO guilty of the, "Good job sweetie," "You are the best tooth brusher in the world," etc. So I am going to work really hard on NOTICING and not JUDGING because, "Noticing helps children become aware of themselves. This awareness wires the brain for self-control." 


Wish me luck!