November 7, 2011
November 3, 2011
Peacefulness
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| Olivia feels peaceful when we help each other. |
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| Braden feels most peaceful when we are in nature listening to the birds. |
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| I feel most peaceful when we are taking a walk in nature as a family. |
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| Steve feels most peaceful when we pray together. Norah was sleeping but I am guessing she feels most peaceful with her thumb in her mouth, her froggie snuggled close and sitting in her mommy or daddy's arms. |
November 2, 2011
Power of Moms Retreat
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| The amazing fall colors in New England |
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| This is the fabulous group of women I spent the weekend getting to know |
For quite some time Sarah and I have followed a blog called Seventy-One Toes by Shawni Pothier. Following 71 Toes lead us to some parenting books written by her parents, Richard and Linda Eyre, such as, "Three Steps to a Strong Family." We were also lead to The Power of Moms website. This organization is co-lead by one of Shawni's sisters Saren. Sarah and I spend a lot of time debating the ups and downs of parenthood. We discuss everything from snack ideas to discipline strategies. These websites have given us a lot of inspiration and talking points.
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| The house we met at was right on a lake... simply stunning! |
When the Power of Moms announced their fall retreat in New England Sarah and I jumped on it. I can honestly say it was one of the greatest things I've done not only for me but more so for our family. I drank in all that was said, took copious notes and am still in a haze trying to decipher it all. I am a "Yes" person by nature so it's hard not to want to do it all right away. I am working on being content with the fact that everything is written down and I have to take baby steps because although my family is very supportive of all these great changes - everything takes time!
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| The Archibalds raised 7 sons and 1 daughter here in the summer time! Now they gather with their large family a few times during the year and fill the 9 bedroom house to the brim. |
I had so many people ask me how it was when I returned. I did talk my mom's ear off but I don't quite know what to say to others. Here is a glimpse of what I came away with. You'll notice that some are concrete DELIBERATE mothering ideas and others are more an attitude or way of thinking...
My take away...
-We miss the joy in life when we are overloaded. Rid your life of "joy suckers."
-Be Deliberate ... spend one hour each week deciding what is important and preparing for the week
-I set the tone for our day
-Two dinner time questions... What was something you learned today? What did you do for someone else today?
-We DO make a difference in how our children turn out
-Motherhood is NOT a chore to be endured but a gift to be cherished
-What children see reflected in our eyes is how they del about themselves. Do your eyes light up when they walk into the room?
-Mind Organization for Moms System... an entire life organization model
-An effective family is like an organization with a purpose, leadership, an economy, rules/guidelines, feedback and a culture/traditions.
-If things are important to your spouse than they should be important to you!
-Sit down with your husband and decide what and who you want your children to become. Let this guide all of your parental decisions.
-How to create and run a family legal system... sounds kind of stuffy but is awesome!
-A 2 years olds cognitive ability comes before their will power.
-Expect arguments to happen with children. Between 2 and 4 years children, on average, argue 6.3 times per hour.
-How to run an effective family meeting.
-What a Family Economy is and what it teaches children.
-How important a Family Culture is. It is what bonds a family together and builds confidence.
-Traditions should be simple, deliberate and an important part of a family culture.
-No one is PERFECT but you are the PERFECT mom for YOUR children!
So you can probably see why I am overwhelmed with joy at all that I took away but I am also overwhelmed with wanting to implement it all. I feel so lucky that I had Sarah with me. She is an amazing mom and such a great friend. I rely on her a lot when I am frustrated with things, when I want to share a silly kid story or if I just need a little pick me up during the day. We talked so much about wanting to keep this feeling alive and wanting to not stick our notebooks in the corner and a few months from now wonder if our going away was worth it.
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| Sarah and Sarah :) |
So Sarah and I are dedicated to staying in touch. We may start a virtual mothering group that meets once a month online with some Power of Moms materials and we talk daily through email and texting. I feel confident that we can help each other become the best mommies that we are capable of and raise families that we are proud of and children who are contributing, confident, loving individuals.... who love coming home to their mommies even when they are older. :)
Thanks Power of Moms for helping give me tools to take my family where I envision us going and also Sarah for never judging but always supporting me on this journey.
Thank you Sarah and Saren for the pictures!
Thank you Sarah and Saren for the pictures!
October 31, 2011
Noticing Feedback vs. Judging Feedback
I am reading a really neat book right now called, "I Love you Rituals." I just ordered it used off of Amazon based on a recommendation from my good friend Sarah and also someone from the retreat I was just at.
I bought it thinking that I was just going to get a bunch of ideas for new ways to show and tell my children I love them.
WOW - it is so much more than that! It gets pretty deep into how the brain works and how different aspects of our parenting either encourages the production of dopamine or hinders that production. That of course is another blog post for another day but it's fascinating.
What I just read reminded me of my friend Sarah's recent post on her blog about feedback. Listen to this...
"...the 'best' brains are those that receive immediate and high-quality feedback.... In general the following guidelines about feedback will steer you in the most effective directions:
1. The more often a child receives feedback, the better.
2. The more specific the feedback, the better.
3. The more immediately the feedback is given, the better.
4. The more you notice and less you judge, the better."
So a lot of that I know (but need to do better at practicing...especially the fourth one) but the way this next part was written was almost an "ah-ha! so that's how you DO it!"
"...you must notice your child. If a child is standing on one foot... our job as parents would be to say, 'look at you standing on one foot!' If a child jumps into the swimming pool we could say, 'You did it. You jumped into the swimming pool feet first, with your hands up like this.'"
I am SO guilty of the, "Good job sweetie," "You are the best tooth brusher in the world," etc. So I am going to work really hard on NOTICING and not JUDGING because, "Noticing helps children become aware of themselves. This awareness wires the brain for self-control."
Wish me luck!
I bought it thinking that I was just going to get a bunch of ideas for new ways to show and tell my children I love them.
WOW - it is so much more than that! It gets pretty deep into how the brain works and how different aspects of our parenting either encourages the production of dopamine or hinders that production. That of course is another blog post for another day but it's fascinating.
What I just read reminded me of my friend Sarah's recent post on her blog about feedback. Listen to this...
"...the 'best' brains are those that receive immediate and high-quality feedback.... In general the following guidelines about feedback will steer you in the most effective directions:
1. The more often a child receives feedback, the better.
2. The more specific the feedback, the better.
3. The more immediately the feedback is given, the better.
4. The more you notice and less you judge, the better."
So a lot of that I know (but need to do better at practicing...especially the fourth one) but the way this next part was written was almost an "ah-ha! so that's how you DO it!"
"...you must notice your child. If a child is standing on one foot... our job as parents would be to say, 'look at you standing on one foot!' If a child jumps into the swimming pool we could say, 'You did it. You jumped into the swimming pool feet first, with your hands up like this.'"
I am SO guilty of the, "Good job sweetie," "You are the best tooth brusher in the world," etc. So I am going to work really hard on NOTICING and not JUDGING because, "Noticing helps children become aware of themselves. This awareness wires the brain for self-control."
Wish me luck!
Magnetic Chore Charts
I grew up with chores.
I grew up with an allowance.
I grew up learning that I didn't get paid unless I did my work.
My parents, perhaps unknowingly, did an amazing job teaching me about money, how to earn it, how to save it and that it didn't just grow on trees. :)
Steve and I have talked and talked about different methods of incorporating chores and allowance into our family. We've done the whole debate of if kids should just get money each week to learn how to use it or if they should do chores and earn it. We've talked about the difference between doing chores because you are part of a family and doing chores to earn money. Thankfully we seem to be of like mind and have the same goals for our children.
We've tried different methods in the past but finally found something that, knock on wood, has been working now for about 6 weeks. They sell many different versions of magnetic chore charts on Etsy but I enjoy a good project and set out to make my own. Here is what they look like:
They are in frames so we can stand them up. Each morning, the two big kids wake up and find their chore chart on the bathroom sink. They do their chores, moving over a magnet each time they finish something.
When they are done upstairs, they come down and finish up. After all are done they get a magnetic star that they place along the bottom. They can earn an additional star for afternoon/evening chores and then if we are seeing super kindness or a great attitude that can earn a bonus one!!
They can collect 5, 10, 15 or 20 stars and turn them in for different rewards. For example 5 stars will let you choose from the treasure chest or will have mommy or daddy clean something up for you. 10 stars will let you stay up 10 extra minutes with mommy and daddy for books or games. 15 stars will let you go on a date with mommy OR daddy. 20 stars, which Olivia saved for, is a date with mommy AND daddy while the other two kiddos are home with a babysitter. I came up with a few ideas and they of course shared some of their own as well.
It's been amazing. I love that they are taking responsibility for themselves. I love that it's off my worry list. I love that things are actually getting done and let's get real... it's super cute right? :)
I can make new magnets when we need them - and I think as they grow I will do just that. I've been thinking of a few to make sometime this winter - help shovel, bring in wood for the fireplace, etc. I LOVE being a mommy and helping my children grow and learn about responsibility. It warms my heart to see them doing things for themselves and the pride and confidence that comes with it.
Okay - off to do one of my chores... fold and put away laundry!
I grew up with an allowance.
I grew up learning that I didn't get paid unless I did my work.
My parents, perhaps unknowingly, did an amazing job teaching me about money, how to earn it, how to save it and that it didn't just grow on trees. :)
Steve and I have talked and talked about different methods of incorporating chores and allowance into our family. We've done the whole debate of if kids should just get money each week to learn how to use it or if they should do chores and earn it. We've talked about the difference between doing chores because you are part of a family and doing chores to earn money. Thankfully we seem to be of like mind and have the same goals for our children.
We've tried different methods in the past but finally found something that, knock on wood, has been working now for about 6 weeks. They sell many different versions of magnetic chore charts on Etsy but I enjoy a good project and set out to make my own. Here is what they look like:
They can collect 5, 10, 15 or 20 stars and turn them in for different rewards. For example 5 stars will let you choose from the treasure chest or will have mommy or daddy clean something up for you. 10 stars will let you stay up 10 extra minutes with mommy and daddy for books or games. 15 stars will let you go on a date with mommy OR daddy. 20 stars, which Olivia saved for, is a date with mommy AND daddy while the other two kiddos are home with a babysitter. I came up with a few ideas and they of course shared some of their own as well.
It's been amazing. I love that they are taking responsibility for themselves. I love that it's off my worry list. I love that things are actually getting done and let's get real... it's super cute right? :)
I can make new magnets when we need them - and I think as they grow I will do just that. I've been thinking of a few to make sometime this winter - help shovel, bring in wood for the fireplace, etc. I LOVE being a mommy and helping my children grow and learn about responsibility. It warms my heart to see them doing things for themselves and the pride and confidence that comes with it.
Okay - off to do one of my chores... fold and put away laundry!
October 27, 2011
It's been a while...
It's been quite a while since I have blogged. I gave it up this summer when I didn't feel like I had time to breathe between swimming lessons, play dates, preparing meals and who knows what else I was doing. I didn't feel like i could justify taking time to blog when I didn't feel like I was giving my children enough of "me."
So much has gone on in the past few months that I will never be able to catch up on it all but I've restructured how I am spending my time, what my actions are saying about my priorities in life, and what I value. I've missed reflecting on my parenting journey and sharing the silly and mundane things that happen in our lives with the people I love.
So... I am going to give this a trial period ... see if I can fit it in and have this be a little something I do for myself that forces me to slow down and work on absorbing the moments that pass by so quickly when you have young ones under foot. I have a few things in particular that I want to share so hopefully in the next week or two you'll see some pictures and read about our magnetic chore charts that have changed our days, a motherhood retreat that I hope will change our lives, and the cutest little Halloween Witch, Fairy and Cowboy there ever was!!
So much has gone on in the past few months that I will never be able to catch up on it all but I've restructured how I am spending my time, what my actions are saying about my priorities in life, and what I value. I've missed reflecting on my parenting journey and sharing the silly and mundane things that happen in our lives with the people I love.
So... I am going to give this a trial period ... see if I can fit it in and have this be a little something I do for myself that forces me to slow down and work on absorbing the moments that pass by so quickly when you have young ones under foot. I have a few things in particular that I want to share so hopefully in the next week or two you'll see some pictures and read about our magnetic chore charts that have changed our days, a motherhood retreat that I hope will change our lives, and the cutest little Halloween Witch, Fairy and Cowboy there ever was!!
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